By Anthony Miguel Averrous de Spinoza

     One thing about suffering is it is an inescapable part of the human experience; the richest man experiences unavoidable loss and the degradation of old age and sickness as does the poorest man.

Much of the suffering we feel is because we get locked into certain traps; the trap of “I should” and “I want.”

      I should have this certain type of job, or this person should love me in a certain way.

     In my own life, I found it brought me great suffering because I was locked into the idea that the woman who gave birth to me should love and care for me in a certain way. Only when I realized that, due to her sickness, that was not possible was I able to begin to release that pain and suffering.

     This is not to deny the reality of suffering or that others affect us in ways out of our control, but to say we get to choose the meaning we attach to those things and how we face them. Everyday, I try to live by my values and face the world with loving-kindness, and that is the power I have.

     The pain did not disappear, but I get to choose what I do with it and exercise my agency.

     Often, to borrow from Buddhism, we become like hungry ghosts, never satisfied, and end up wandering aimlessly in life, trapped in our pain.This week, I invite you to stop running from your pain and sit with it and the discomfort. I would then ask you to think about what value you ascribe to that and what you want to do with that.

     We have ultimate power even in the face of suffering; a man can put a gun to my head and tell me to do X, and I can choose to die as I have lived—in accordance with my deepest values, with my head held high.

     I cannot control others, but I can choose to live every day showing compassion to others and being open to new experiences.

     Joy is not the Pollyanna feeling of being happy all the time, but the contentment that comes from living a life by our values and choosing joy even in spite of pain.